Let them know what you’re doing before you do it. This is respectful- no one like surprises. “I’m going to wipe your nose.” “I’m going to help you take off your diaper.”
Use appropriate words (penis, vulva, diaper, bottom), NOT cutesy words.
Use correct grammar- NOT “we are taking a nap” BUT “I’m going to help you take a nap”; “You do not want a diaper change, AND we are going to change your diaper.”
DO NOT offer a choice when there isn’t one. Saying “okay?” offers the opportunity for them to say, “No.”
“It will be your turn for a diaper change in two minutes.”
OR “Would you like your diaper changed now, or in two minutes?”
“It’s time to wash your hands.” NOT “Do you want to wash your hands?”
In Play: Narrate
Use descriptive language to make statements about a child’s play. Your judgment is not needed.
“You stacked the blue block on top of the red block.” “Wow! You jumped!”
Avoid adding your personal opinions. Their self-worth should be based on how they feel, not how you feel.
“You are wearing sunglasses.” NOT “You look cute in those sunglasses.”
Encouragement & Appreciation
“You found a way to do it!” “Congratulations!” “Thank you!”
When a child looks to you for shared excitement, acknowledge the child’s pride in completing a task of their interest- it’s NOT about being good (NO good girl/boy or good job).
Say thank you for a task you asked to be done- it’s about your appreciation for their interest in your needs.
Guidance & Discipline
When a child is exhibiting an unwanted behavior, ask – is there a safe way for them to continue this need? – “You may not throw this block, it could hurt someone. But you can throw a ball, let’s go get one.”
When a child’s behavior is attention seeking: stay close, ignore, and if necessary block the child from other children for safety.
Conflict
Provide support while giving them the space to work through conflict. Come close to a child who is voicing distress, but encourage them to work through the problem when there is no harm. “I see that bike is in your way. What can we do?”
When conflicts occur between children come close for safety- “I see Joe has the train, and you want it. What should we do?” pause “We have more trains, come with me to look.”
Stop any possible harm with- your body (block) or your words “Stop! I won’t let you hit Joe.” Then ask, “What is your hand trying to say to Joe?”
Emotional Moments: Acknowledge, Not Encourage
Allow children to have their own thoughts and feelings about a situation. If they fall, state “You fell,” then wait to see how they feel.
Allow children to cry. When a child is sad: “I see you're crying, it looks like you’re (insert appropriate thought ex. Missing mom).”
Avoid using “You’re okay.” How do you know? Clearly they don’t feel okay.
State how it appears the child is feeling to give them the words so they can eventually use them. Don’t oooh and ahh, just state it and continue working.
“It looks like you’re feeling frustrated.” “You look happy to see your friends.”
“You did not want Mommy to go!” “You want Daddy to come back now!”
Ask if you can give a hug, a hand, or some help and stay close until they appear engaged.
